there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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