I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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