I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
