im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
