I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
