i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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