Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
