xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
