Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
