I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
