where am i from again
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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