Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
