Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
