Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
