i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
