Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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