Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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