turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
