I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
