My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
