gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
