She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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