When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
