My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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