just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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