i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
