This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
