Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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