We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
