Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
