I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
