All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
