I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
