Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
