Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
