OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
