70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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