pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i was born a porn star she said
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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