The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
