Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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