My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
