it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Terrible idea I love it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
