I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
