its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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