sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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