now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize