At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
