Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
