Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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