I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
