If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
