Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
