I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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