He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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