ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
