Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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