I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
