my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
