i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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