Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
