So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
