Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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