Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
