Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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