Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
