There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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